We borrowed a classified Federal Reserve Crisis Handbook from a friend who shall remain nameless. This is a book that Central Banks all over the world would give anything to have to solve any financial crisis or market crash… up to and including a Coronavirus type Pandemic after the government stops almost all businesses activity.
We expected it to have a fully scientific basis for what the Fed would do in any financial crisis. Surely, they use calculus like on the whiteboard above to “fine tune” the economy. I believed they must have a SCIENTIFIC BASIS for everything they do.
With Democrats screaming, “Listen to the scientists” you would think scientists are in charge of the Federal Reserve.
We were shocked that the Federal Reserve Crisis Handbook was so thin, a cover, one page inside, a blank back cover. I quickly flipped to the one inside page and read these sobering words—
When any financial crisis, stock market crash, or unexpected monetary implosion occurs:
PRINT MONEY IN MASSIVE WAVES…
BY THE BILLIONS OR MULTI-TRILLIONS
HAVE POLITICIANS SPEND IT OR GIVE IT AWAY.
There it was in black and white, the culmination of the brightest financial minds in the world. All the years at leading universities, working on master’s degrees and PHDs, here at last was the financial scientists’ vast secrets to ruling the universe.
We were absolutely shocked! My fifth grader thinks giving her free money fixes everything too. I just don’t get spending money you don’t have on things you don’t need or want.
WAIT!!! At the bottom of the page was a password and a note that said.
It’s impossible to print a Trillion Dollars in time to fix anything. Please use the included password, it works on the world’s fastest supercomputer, Fugaku, powered by Fujitsu’s 48-core A64FX SoC. Please call Japan and remind them to plug it in. Those scientists are so forgetful.
— Janet Yellen, Former Federal Reserve Chairman
P.S. In the very unlikely event we will ever have a viral pandemic, please add these instructions.
